Friday, 2 January 2009

I'm not sure if I'm ready for this

I think that maybe I need to get it out and clue you in on the post that I made on December 23rd, it's been a very sad, hectic, numbing few weeks. So I'll start at the beginning, December 22, 2008 a normal Monday (more or less) I've just gotten to work and it's slow and kind of boring, but it's work and I'm trying to recover from the cast party the night before and the run of Scrooge. At about 2 my cell rings and it's a number that I don't know (which always makes me nervous cause I don't know if it's someone I know calling from hospital or jail etc;) so I answered it. It's Tomas (the picture from the 23rd is his brother Justin). Justin has passed away in hospital in Virgina. I wanted to pinch myself, I knew he was sick (he's been sick for the last 2 years) but it's always been able to be fixed and he's been getting better and now he's gone. Justin was a dear friend of mine for the last 10 years, any time we knew we were going to be hanging out we were attached at the hip, completely in-separable no one really understood our strange connection to each other but we had it. I got off the phone with Tomas and went straight to my bosses office told her what had happened and she immediately sent me home. I went straight to Tomas and got him to his parents, after we were done bawling our eyes out we did some reminiscing, and just sat for a while, as Tomas's dad was out getting them some food Tomas has a panic attack so I called 911 went outside to my car and pulled to the side of the drive with my lights facing the road so when I saw the ambulance I could flash them down (they have no lights on the outside of their house that face the road). As soon as the ambulance got there I got in my car and left I knew that they needed to be together as a family at that moment. Tomas called me later that night to thank me and tell me that he's OK and that he'll talk to me soon. Tuesday I woke up and couldn't stop crying that's all I can remember that day, Wednesday was Christmas eve I worked and then I went to Brunswick to my in-laws house for a party, got a flat tire on my way there and for that day, that was the straw that broke the camels back. Most of the rest of the week was a blur lots of food, lots of wrapping paper, all I knew is that my heart hurt (it still does but I'm doing a little better then I was) Saturday I went to the barn and went to Akron to visit my friends Meghan and Nick we went to Borders and got lots and lots of books for really cheap (I LOVE BOOKS!) and we went to Metro Burger (Have you heard of this place?) it's like the Chipolte of Burger joints! You go in and there's a counter with pencils and pads of paper for ordering on it, you check how big of a burger you want, what you want on it, fries, beer cheese? I was so happy! I had a burger on a wheat bun with brie cheese, portabella mushrooms, sauteed onions, and grainy mustard, we all shared two orders of fries, one regular with beer cheese (yum beer cheese) and one sweet potato fry. The food was so good and for a second I forgot to be sad. Sunday I spent the entire day on the couch cause I felt like crap (I've been so sick oh and did I mention that I had no voice on Christmas or the day before or after? not helpful) Monday I got up went to work and got sent home within two hours, on account of I was still miserable so I went home slept a bit, showered, my sister Sarah came and got me around 5ish and we went to Wellington for calling hours, it didn't even seem real, it didn't even look like him, I had determined that it didn't look like him cause he wasn't smiling. Justin was always smiling I don't think I ever saw him not smiling. We hung around there for a while and I got to meet his friends from Virgina Lee, Justin, Sean, and Grant, I am glad that he had friends like them they are all really good people and fun to hang out with. Afterwards a group of us went to Applebee's it (again) was good medicine to sit around and reminisce about Justin and who he was to each of us and just talk and laugh (we really needed that). Tuesday was the funeral did I mention that I spoke? I spoke I wasn't sure that I could do it but I knew that if ever something had happened to me before him he would have done it for me. He was an incredible human being and will always have a place in my heart, I am glad that he no longer hurts but am sad that I will never be able to just call him to say hi or talk about the non-sense things that we always talked about (Sarah Brightman, which was playing at the funeral it's what he would have wanted) mega-con, his dogs, and his undeniable obsession with all things Wonder Woman and Lynda Carter.

So Justin I will miss you but, will see you again. Until then take care of your sister. I wish you could be here to watch Addy grow up you would have been an amazing uncle.

Love you Justin.


Anonymous said...

I knew so much about you from Justin. He loved you with all his heart, and so does he the other band of girls. You don't know me, and likely no one else does except for Summer, whom I had the chance to meet with Justin, a year or so ago.

I am not sure I will ever recover from this, and trying seems to make it worse. I don't even know why I am writing this note, except that anything "Justin" triggers all sorts of reactions.

I rarely write anything on my arid blog, but something had me write a new entry.


Tink said...

It's never easy losing someone you love. But having people around who love you helps. You will be in my heart and thoughts.