Casino

Why is it that when we are getting ready to go to Windsor I'm all for it and once we're there I turn into a super bitch?? Bet you can't guess what we did this weekend? I mean seriously there is no reason for it, Dave is super responsible and his brother and sisters went and his mom was there and I should have been having a great time instead I turned into a complete asshole. I don't mean sort of moody and crabby I mean BITCHY CRABBY!! I wouldn't have wanted to hang out with me if I were in someone Else's shoes. I was bringing the whole party down and I don't know what it was, also it's not like this is the first time this has happened. No, no this has happened before, we get ready to go on the way up there I'm fine better then fine even I'm usually great, we get there and it usually takes a few hours I'm not automatically bitchy but after a few hours I'm moody and bitchy and a complete downer. Is it the repetitive nature of gambling, the fact that none of it is skill but all chance, the fact that I get bored too easily? It isn't the money thing Dave has always been very responsible about his money and gambling he has a "Windsor" envelope and he saves some cash and that's what we go with, if we win that goes back into the "Windsor" envelope for the next time, if we loose we start all over and save again but he's responsible about it, he doesn't take money out from his credit cards he doesn't head to the ATM when he runs out of money he only spends what he comes with. So what is my problem?? I seriously think I get bored, and I guess (usually) I don't play anything, I think I need to start my own "Windsor" envelope, maybe if I had my own money I wouldn't feel so guilty taking away from his fun. maybe that's what I need to do I need to start my own envelope so that way next time we go I can sit down at a table and know that he's got his money and I've got my money. I mean I know it's no longer really "his money" or "my money" it's "our money" but when we go I feel like it's his money like if I take some of it so I can play too I'm taking away from his fun. So I end up being an insufferable bitch most of the trip cause I don't save my own little bit of money and all I do is stand (sit) there and watch him play his games?? Trust me that isn't fun, and we're usually there overnight so I stand (sit) and just watch for a long ass time. Not just a long time but a long ASS time. OK I've decided that's what I need to do, and I've mentioned it to him already too and he's said that sounds like a good idea as well. Admittedly he's given me money and I didn't do anything with it right away but I thought it was "here hold this just in case I loose what I'm playing with right now so I'll have it for later" not "here play with this have fun" I really suck at this. And now I'm frustrating myself more then I need to be. So if Dave's sisters or brother ever come across this blog I'm sorry that I was a mega bitch I don't mean to be I just am not really good at the whole casino thing. Oh and Jonathan I don't hate you so stop thinking that please.